Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea
by Kieli
Summary: Fregattenkapitän Natsuki Kruger Kruger of the Brandenburgclass frigate DuranDuran and by Tai Sa Captain Viola Shizuru of the famous Yamatoclass battleship, The Princess Harumichi, square off in the epic battle for tea.


Ok, so apparently writing and such should not happen when the Lang and I are both sick. She wrote this hilarious dialogue. I merely filled in the blanks. We comically give you _**Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea - The Boston Lang Tea Party Edition**_:

O_ur story begins with one Fregattenkapitän Natsuki Kruger of the Brandenburg-class frigate **DuranDuran** who was craving her morning tea only to find that it the ship's stores were running low; the direct result of a daring raid made by Tai Sa (Captain) Viola Shizuru of the famous Yamato-class battleship **The Princess Harumichi** earlier in the week. It was bad enough that she had to man this newfangled ship with only a skeleton crew of her best students from the Garderobe Naval Academy. But to have the best tea in Windbloom swiped by that smug woman was almost too much to bear. Kapitän Kruger sat in her command chair on the bridge and gave her frightfully empty teacup an annoyed glare. After much inward wailing and gnashing of teeth, Kruger decided that she was going to beat Viola at her own game. Let's have a look, shall we?_

"IRINA. Set the course! We're headed for Viola's tea ship..."

"But... but Gakuenchou!! Shizuru onee-sama is..."

"I DONT CARE WHAT SHE IS! You LISTEN to me or you get off my ship!"

"A..AAA HAI, GAKUENCHOU!!!!"

"That's better. NINA. RECON. NOW."

"Yes, Gakuenchou! salutes"

"Excellent... everything is moving along well..."

"Ne, ne, Nat-"

_GLARE..._

"Ahahaha, GAKUENCHOU-SAN!!! ... why are you trying to sink Shizuru-san's tea ship?"

"... It's none of your business, Mai."

"Oh, come on, Natsuki... what happened?"

"... she shrunk my riding jacket..."

"... Ah... so it's that bad..."

"It's worse! That _onna_ stole the last bit of our shipment of tea right out from underneath our noses! Blast that idiot Haruka!... FULL SPEED, IRINA!!!! TELL ENGINEERING!!!!!!! waves hand"

"_Aiya_, why couldn't Viola-sama let Gakuenchou do her OWN laundry this time," Lt. Irina bemoaned.

"What was that, helm?"

"N-nothing, Gakuenchou! Full Speed it is!"

_Kapitan Kruger grumbles incoherently and sits down in overly elaborate Captain/Headmaster thronechair as Gal comes to report from Engineering._

"Your PEEEMPDOM! Engines all good! YES! Good!"

"GAL-SAN!"

"Hai, Gakuenchou!"

"Shut up and get down on your kne--I mean GET BELOW, you hacker rat! I want that tea within an hour!"

Gal salutes so quickly she almost tears off an antenna. "Ryoukai!"

"And damnit, Gal! Haven't I told you not to address me like that!?! It's KAPTAIN KRUGER to you!"

_Meanwhile, on the battleship Princess Harumichi, Lt. Cmdr. Tomoe snapped to attention beside the ever-calm Captain Shizuru..._

"Shizuru-sama, Captain Kruger requests to board you."

"Permission granted, if she does so personally."

"E-eh?! B-but Shizuru-sama, Captain Kruger sounds a bit...testy" wince"

"Don't worry, Commander Tomoe, I've got the solution for that riiight here." _smirks and glances down at her own ample bosom_

_Tomoe's eyes nearly bug out of her head._ "You do?! Ahem! cough cough I mean, ROGER THAT!"

_Needless to say, the exchange that ensued had the crews of both ships shaking with fright as it seemed the situation would escalate a bit further than planned..._

"SHIZURU! THIS IS CAPTAIN KRUGER OF THE DURANDURAN! STAND DOWN, OR WE WILL BE FORCED INTO HOSTILITY."

"Ara, Natsuki? Is that you? My, you sound so grown up when you're being demanding. Why, I haven't heard you use that tone with me since last ni-"

"AAAAAAARGHLKJELSK SHIZURU! DAMNIT JUST SURRENDER YOUR CARGO IMMEDIATELY AND NO ONE WILL BE HARMED!!!"

"My cargo? Is that what you're calling it now? "

"... Shi...zu...ru..." _rages_ "The tea. Now. Hand it over and I MIGHT let your ship escape unscathed."

"Maa maa, why don't you just come aboard and join me for some tea, if you want it so badly. I'm sure you'd enjoy it much more when properly made. We can use my private quarters for... negotiations..."

"... I think not!! This is your last chance, VIOLA!!"

"Very well. Tomoe-san?"

"Hai, Onee-sama??!?!??"

"Have the crew man their stations... it seems as though dear Captain refuses to play nicely with us..."

"As you wish, Onee-sama!! GAAARGH ALL RIGHT YOU LAZY DOGS, GET UP AND MAN YOUR POSTS!!!!!!!!!!"

_Meanwhile, aboard the DuranDuran..._

"Hmph. As expected. She's not willing to go down without a fight."

"Eh, I'd say she's willing to go down..."

"SHUT UP, IRINA!!!!! READY THE CANNONS!!!!!"

"CREW, this is Captain Kruger of the DuranDuran! Man your posts and prepare for battle. Do not show them fear!!! Operation Hungry Like the Wolf... COMMENCE!!"

_gasps erupt all round the bridge of the Harumichi_ "Shizuru-sama! Captain Kruger has just given the order to LOAD SILVER CARTRIDGE!" Ensign Erstin Ho cried, blanching as she translated every syllable of Kruger's rant.

"Ara, Natsuki you play so rough...very well..you know what to do, Commander Tomoe."

"Ryoukai, Shizuru-sama! Artillery section, ready KIYOHIME!"

"Aye aye, sir!"

"Irina? What the bloo--? WHAT IS THAT?"

"C..c...Cc... CAPTAIN!!! The Princess Harumichi is using their Kiyohime whip cannon!!!!!"

"DAMN HER! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! DURANDURAN! LOAD FLASH CARTRIDGE!! We'll BLIND THEM FIRST THEN ATTACK! READY THE SILVER CARTRIDGE!!!!"

"H... HAI!!!!! scrambles"

"We'll see how you enjoy being trapped in a wall of ice, Shizuru...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

"Tut tut, Natsuki, surely you know me better than that...Tomoe-san?"

"Hai, Shizuru-sama! Flamethrowers at the ready!"

_raises her teacup _ "I'll be waiting for you, Natsuki..." _pats her chair_

"Flash Cartridge ready, Captain! Waiting for your order!"

"... Shizuru... breathes Drop the UV shades."

"Shades are down, Captain!"

"Good... FIRE THE FLASH CARTRIDGE!!"

"FIRE FLASH IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!"

"FIRING!"

_BLAMALERKEJREOSirujslkrsrjl blinding light fills the world._

_And the shots heard around the world were the start of a tea-drinking revolution...several hours later, a decidedly porous DuranDuran sits a mite lower in the keel than she did before, flash burns and patches of ice riddle her decks and outer hull. By contrast, the Princess Harumichi still sat a few hundred meters away, as placid as ever._

"I WILL BE BACK TO FINISH THIS!!! MARK MY WORDS, VIOLAAAARGH!!"

"I'll be waiiiting, Natsuki." _blows a kiss to the enraged Kruger_

"GAAARGH !!!" _shakes fist_ YOU'LL GET YOURS!!

"Oh I plan on it," Captain Shizuru replied with a smirk.

"SHIZURU!!!!!!!!!" _sails off into the distance at half speed_

"Hurry back, Natsuki! I have lovely tea for you."

_And thus ends this episode of b **"The Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea"**. _


End file.
